Chasing pavements .. .

[Yes, I finally turned in my long overdue first post! This post is based on current thoughts and ramblings so forgive me if it becomes repetitive, doesn't quite make sense, or jumps from topic to topic]


It's been a long time since I thought about him until the topic of "the one that got away" came up. Of all the guys that I can remember, I don't think there has been one, such as him, who I could talk to as easily (after the first initiation of conversations because you all know how I freak out with that part) without this great need to impress and yet still have feelings for.

Sometimes I do wish I could just talk to him again. I'm not sure if the feelings are still there since so much time has elapsed and we're both at different stages in our lives. Can you believe that it's been almost 2 years since I told him that I liked him and THEN!! hung up on him?!? Yes, I can laugh at it now, although, I still cringe at the mere thought of that night sometimes.

Will I try to contact him again? Probably. After that, I don't know. I know that right now it should just be about starting intial contact, but my mind, as many other minds I'm sure, can't help but wander toward the possiblities of what could happen afterwards. I know that it takes a lot of time to gain the courage to once again show that vulnerable side of yourself - to just put your feelings out there for the one person that matters. It's scary, I know, but I think it's worth it. At least you know that you don't have to dwell on the "what ifs" of that stage of life. It's almost like that game of chess. You have to be willing to sacrifice a couple of your pawns to get what you want...the only difference is that in a relationship you both win. But again,let's just first worry about making the first contact. This just leads to a whole other class of thought.

Are some stories not meant to have a solid ending? Do they just hang in some sort of limbo as an important page torn from a book? Are other endings just meant to happen some time later? I don't know. Maybe the timing wasn't right? Could something more be achieved in our own personal lives? Again, I don't know. I think that it's easier to think that some endings are just meant to finish sometime later - sorta like a book or movie with the phrase "couple of months (or years) later" with the two characters reaching some new level of maturity or readiness. Or it could just be another stepping stone in life. Who knows?

We just have to wait and see.....

[In regards to the original title of my post "Is it really worth it to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all?", I don't know since I've never been in love, but, if it's close to the feelings that I have felt for the different guys that have come and gone in my life, then "Yes, it's worth it all the more...."]


[ETA: I realize that I did not explain the reason for the title. "Chasing pavements" is based on a song of the same name by Adele.]